bit of a crappy day biut feeling happier still. best bit was seeing caz in hopsital it was lovley to see her and i was glad she seemed reasonably bright :) thanks for all your kind messages everyone, im sorry about how i said what i did yest, you guys mean the world to me all of you!

Comment here with your name and I'll tell you something I love about you. Afterwards, copy and paste this into your own journal.

i feel so ill i can hardly bear it. how can i go on like this

im going to make my journal friends only methinks :) could anyone who wants to be a friend let me know please. *hopes someone does* :P

Date:	2005-06-14 00:25
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	okay

had docotrs appointment today and i was feeling really ill. on the way down there sitting upright and the wheelchair jolting sent waves of nausea throgh me and i just felt AWFUL (you all know what i mean) and i had to sit there in the wheelchair for 20 mins in the waiting room and a baby was screaming... i saw that they hadn't put up any of the ME posters or leaflets i'd given thenm and i felt myself start crying. by the time i went in i felt like either bieng sick or having a panic attack and i just felt so depressed and helpless by the way i was feeling. my mum asked the doctor if i could lie on the couch and i could hardly get onto it, i was red, gasping, crying with illness! quite funny really as the doctor was like omg shes hyperventilating and ran off to get some water LOL. it was a good thing in a way as he has never seen me like that and he was quite shocked i think. anyway i got home and within 10 minutes i felt fine. the lying down really does help, why people, why? i wish i understood this illness, it might help to cope.

Quiz borrowed from Caz

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Annie 2. Poodle 3. Babes
THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. Artemis 2. Artemis Artio 3. Artemis Hymnia
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Erm 2. Erm 3. my hair
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. tummy 2. skin 3. double chin!
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU
1. Horror films, i refuse to watch 18 films 2. the dark 3. thoughts of dying
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. sabby 2. lip balm 3. pen and paper
THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. friendship bracelet that elli made me 2. pink monsoon pyjama bottoms 3. old sheep pyjama top that embarrasses me every time i wear it
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:
1. simon and garfunkel 2. muse 3. emma kirkby ( a classical singer)
THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE SONGS:
1. kiss me by sixpence none the richer 2. only time by enya 3. shape by sugababes
THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. love 2. respect 3. humour
TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order)
1. i'm adopted 2. i got distinction on my grade 8 singing 3. ive been in company magazine this year
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. lips 2. eyes 3. hip bones - god so sexy!
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. singing (hypothetically) 2. reading 3. canoeing (hypothetically)
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. go for a run 2. sing 3. get better
THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
1. lecturer 2. counsellor 3. museum worker person lol
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Italy 2. Greece (ok i know murray lol) 3. turkey (yes, they have greek remains there...)
THREE KID'S NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. Grace 2. Philip 3. Matthew
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Have children 2. Write a book - got this from caz but it is true as well! 3. fall in love again
THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. uh? im not a boy!
THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A CHICK:
1. I love waaaay too easily 2. i have way more jewellery than i need 3. i love pink
THREE CELEB CRUSHES:
1. matt damon 2. robert carlyle 3. johnny depp (obviously)
THREE PEOPLE THAT I WOULD LIKE TO SEE TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW:
1. jen4 2. your petal 3. spade grrl

Date:	2005-06-13 01:23
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	okay

just came out from the shower and i reelaised that the little boy i used to look after and his dad were here. was delighted to see them but horrified cos i was all wet! they stayed for ages which was good in that i love him soo much and it was great to see him and i like his dad loads too (actually i fancy him but there u go lol!) but afterwards i was v poorly indeed. but it was worth it, i love that little boy so much. they gave me #20 for my fundrasiing which brings the total to 606 pounds ! woo yeah!
then was in bed the rest of the day :/
have been feeling a bit sad about the ilness but better now :)

Date:	2005-06-10 22:47
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	crappy

i am upset and pissed off. felt crap all day and really want to do stuff. cant express self. have wobbly head. sleep pattern is fucked up again due to lying in bed all day. lonley. want to scream and rage. hurting. want boyfriend. want to go out. want to have sex. want to have a job. want to walk. want to speak to someone. noone around.


are some people just lucky and others arent? im not a bad person, i try to help people as much as i can, but i get this crap. sorry i sound so selfish i just feel so lonley right now

I was tagged by jen4 (and i have worked out how to do this wooo)

my favourite songs: (in no particular order)

1. muse - time is running out
2. van morrison - brown eyed girl
3. beautiful south - you keep it all in
4. simon and garfunkel - the boxer
5. simon and garfunkel - keep the customer satisfied

fuck. have just got email from ex housemate asking that i pay her back the money i owe her. and i THINK i gave it her but im not sure. Shes not nice when shes cross with you :( If only i was more careful about my cheque books i could check the stubs. Oh crappy crap crap. And we ve been getting on so well lately.

Rest of day was nice. Lovely and sunny. Mainly knitted and listened to Jack the Ripper tape. Was very pleased that i managed to wash the kitchen floor , though not this morning how i wanted to cos i found sabby had been sick coughing up a fur ball. Uh oh! thank god dad didnt see it! Anyway when id done that i went into the ill part of the day so couldnt do floor. This is interesting isnt it! Anyway i did it later and then Caz came over, was lovely to see her again, and then we went back to her place and i met her bf - he is lovely, and really witty!

got a lovely thank you postcard from viks for the card i sent her, it was so lovely :)
now im sitting listeneing to sabbys contented breathing as she sleeps... i love my cat :)

Date:	2005-06-07 10:08
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	sad

I got four hours sleep before I woke up and couldn’t get back off. Lying there so awake I started thinking about next year. Thinking what the hell am I doing? Here I don’t do anything in the way of housework or anything, not even putting my plates in the dishwasher, so how the hell do I think I’m going to manage next year with uni work as well? Its not that I am deep in depression – I want life, I just don’t see how I can have it. I am stuck. Preparing that party food the other day, that left me ill the whole rest of the day! How can I move on from that? You always here about these people who fight the things that happen to them – my grandad for example. Many years ago now he was the oldest person in the UK to have a liver transplant, and he very nearly died. He got so thin and to sit up he had to haul himself up using a bar. But by battling through and persevering he made it.
We cant do that, by struggling on we only get iller. Except after 10, i cant even stand up without feling sick and ill. Yet when I’m not striving for something I just get so depressed. I feel consumed by sadness for all of us who suffer this. I’m not depressed – I can still look forward to my knitting and tapes etc but it seems a pitiful sort of life really. Its ok when you look at it close up, but when your focus widens and you remember all the joys to be found in the world, it seems empty and pale.

Date:	2005-06-07 00:39
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	happy

nice day :)
had osteo - was same as last time, weird!
went to rochester and got a lovely load of tapes :)
and bought some wool - the scarf is growing
nattered to lou and elli on here for ages. :) and mark for a bit :)

Date:	2005-06-05 23:54
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	happy

this morning it was soo hilarious cos sabby came into the kitchen walking like she does as though shes got high heels on, and there was a pair of pink washing up gloves on the floor and as she walked past them she glanced at them and jumped with fright, oh god it was hilarious!!

spent about an hour this evening laying the food out next door as it was my neighbours 97th birthday and mum was doing the food cos she does everyhting for the neighbour. was fun laying everything out but i felt ill for the rest of the eveing. i didnt stay for the actual party either.

got mum to ask her friend to start off my knitting that my sister got me for birthday and ive continued with it a bit today and its going really well!

Date:	2005-06-05 23:07
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	happy

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey (borrowed form Es)
Name: Annie
Birthday: 11th May
Birthplace: Chatham
Eye Color: Blue
Hair Color: brown
Height: 5'8"
Right Handed or Left Handed: Right
The Shoes You Wore Today: pink per una slippers
Your Weakness: food, men, talking too much
Your Fears: death of myself or a friend, lots of fears for the world's people and environment.
Your Perfect Pizza: with all the people i love. not actually possible as a couple of them arent speaking to me.
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: move back to Durham
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: OMG!!!!!
Thoughts First Waking Up: sssggggrrhhhaaaaaapfffttthhh
Your Best Physical Feature: god knows
Your Bedtime: circa 3 am. but that is going to change!
Your Most Missed Memory: Greek lessons with my friends
MacDonalds or Burger King: i am vegetarian and refuse to go in McDonalds as they cut down the rainforest. Have never set foot in burger king. I do actually care about my body, y'know.
Chocolate or Vanilla: chcoloate of course!
Cappuccino or Coffee: i dont drink coffee cos of ME
Do you Smoke: nope
Do you Swear: f****** all the time ..oops
Do you Sing: used to
Do you Shower Daily: what sort of a question is that!! i have baths.
Have you Been in Love: yeah
Do you want to go to Uni: haha! just a smidge
Do you want to get Married: yeah
Do you belive in yourself: mostly
Do you think you are Attractive: some people seem to think so
Are you a Health Freak: i think u have to be with this f******** illness!
Do you get along with your Parents: yes mostly, i am lucky
Do you like Thunderstorms: yeah i do
Do you play an Instrument: used to play violin
In the past month have you Drunk Alcohol: possibly the merest hint of archers
In the past month have you been on Drugs: only prescription ones!
In the past month have you gone on a Date: *sigh*
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: what the heck is a mall?
In the past month have you been on Stage: yes i am playing the lead ballerina in swan lake, haha!
In the past month have you been Dumped: sort of
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: what do u think?
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: only by accident, some pet wipes from pet city. didnt take them back though - come and get me copper!!
Ever been Drunk: only once and that was on my 18th birthday and taught me that alcohol can be a depressant!
Ever been called a Tease:is that as in like teasing boys? i have been called a temptress... which was completely unfounded ;)
Ever been Beaten up: no thank god
Ever Shoplifted: see above pet city incident!
How do you want to Die: i dont
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: a size 12
What country would you most like to Visit: Greece
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: any
Favourite Hair Color: any
Short or Long Hair: short or none (as in shaved head not as in bald)
Height: tall as poss
Weight: thin or slim

Number of Piercings: both my ear lobes and thats how its gonna stay!
Number of Tattoos: none, yuk!
Number of things in my Past I Regret: not joining cathedral choir when i had the chance, dumping ror how i did, getting glandular fever.

Date:	2005-06-03 22:57
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	cheerful

was mums birthday, she really liked her cup and saucer and flip flops. we went out to a gorgeous place in the countryside and sat in a field full of ox eye daisies - it was gorgeous. for quite a while we stood and watched an adorable little fox cub - he was soooo tiny and cute!

Date:	2005-06-02 23:58
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	thoughtful

went to rochester with phil to get mum's b-day pres, was nice. got some funky card making stuff as well.
finished watching schindlers list. its an incredible film - i just cannot beleive the things that happened, surely that is what evil looks like.

Date:	2005-06-02 00:58
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	happy

nice day, jane came over :D talking about next year, so exciting! i so want to do a phd when i finally graduate!

Date:	2005-06-01 01:53
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	happy

pretty naff day ME wise but never mind. only prob is its ruined my good work last night in going to sleep early cos ive been resting all day so now am not tired at all! think may have slight bug.

hild came on a flying visit - it was lovely to see her again. she went through the DLA appeal stuff with mum as she knows about it as she helps ppl with it in her work as a hazard assessor.
watched most of LOTR 1 - woo!
had chat with jane - cant wait to see her tom.

ordered bloodaxe womens poets book that we did for A level - cant wait to see that again! was only 74 p on amazon! might try and sell some stuff on there - trouble is im too attached to my books and that, even if i dont look at them any more!
had a look at an article i found yesterday from an ejournal on uni website and it looks so good! ooh i cant wait to get started on my dissertation again!

extra special hugs today for jane, elli, charlotte and jen. ****hugs****

Date:	2005-05-31 00:23
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	hungry

sorry about that annoyed update, have had a pissed off day!
hugs to all

xxxxxxxxxx

Date:	2005-05-30 17:32
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	pissed off

Am totally exhausted and i cant find my dissertation and i am so f ing sick of mother. they all went out shopping when i woke up and i was really hurt but shes just had a massive go at me.